Secure Immaturity

You pray that art doesn’t imitate life a lot of the time but I was recently going through a mental list of my favorite television characters and I found some major characteristic in most of them that applies to me (and it’s not just weight gain). So while I definitely have my Hall of Fame, of sorts, worked out in my head, I decided to put these thoughts on paper (or web page or whatever) for the viewing public. So, without further ado, in reverse order, are my top five favorite television characters:

Honorable Mention(s): Cliff Clavin from Cheers, Scorpius from Farscape, Dr. Ross from ER, Commander William T. Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation and Gul Dukat from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

#5 Detective Robert Goren

Series: Law and Order Criminal Intent (Seasons 1-9)

Played by: Vincent D’Onofrio

Occupation: Major Case Squad Detective

Character Strengths: Intelligence, Perception, Reasoning, Deduction, Problem-Solving, Strong Physical Senses.

Character Weaknesses: Sensitive, Bothered by Family Past, Anti-Social, Independent

Analysis: Vincent D’Onofrio literally made the good but very procedural Law and Order franchise better by giving breath to Bobby Goren, the very strange but ultimately good detective of the Major Case Squad. His partner, Eames, and his superiors are kind of outsiders watching Goren work inside a closed off room and his mannerisms and techniques can sometimes come out of nowhere and throw everyone off (criminals and good guys alike). But, usually, the results are there. When they aren’t, he takes the blame.

He was kind of a House before there was a House but instead of being a pompous dick, Goren’s eccentricities only add to his lovable qualities. Goren is a big softy with a good heart and if he ever gets enraged it’s because his feelings are hurt or you touched a sensitive subject. He’s extremely attentive to human behavior and can manipulate almost anyone (thankfully he leaves that simply to the criminals) but occasionally he is given a rival/nemesis, in CI’s case, Nicole Wallace, who, in five episodes, manages to throw Goren’s life into chaos.

He’s #5 on the list mainly because Goren was best utilized when you DIDN’T know a lot about him. Because we knew so little of where he came from, his small revelations throughout the first five or six years were a gift. Then we met his drug addicted brother (who was later murdered), his serial killer father, his looney tunes mother, and his own questionable psychosis and. . .well. . .the mystique was gone. But no matter, he is still one of my all-time favorite characters.

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There was a time, if you can believe it, where television was considered so drastically different in terms of social/career status to film work that to be sequestered on the boob tube meant certain career death and the inevitability of type casting. Somehow the gap got closed and then the gap ceased to exist. Now television is just as prestigious as film work. There are many reasons why this gap was closed but it would take too much time and effort to map that whole fiasco out. It’s just understood that you can be on network television every Wednesday night and in the local cineplex during the summer without anyone batting an eye or judging your on screen virility.

If I’m going to throw out any theories, I suppose it was George Clooney who survived the gap and made it possible for the transition. His non-reluctance to star in guest spots on ER after becoming a mega-billionaire opened the doors for big time actors to enter the TV universe. To me, Clooney got it started. But Clooney may have opened the door but like Moses on the outskirts of Canaan, he can not re-enter. George Clooney is the last of the to-big-for-TV crowd. And that’s fine. . .because he is, frankly, a better movie actor then a TV actor.

Back in the day, if you were chosen to be on TV in prime time you usually filled a niche and never escaped. Sure, plenty of future stars escaped television (mostly soaps) to become big stars but it seemed that once you hit big time in TV you hit your ceiling (see oft used example David Caruso). But since the advent (and bridge) of movie/TV mixture, actors have decided to refine their talents and maximize their television potential and still have movie theater access. In 1985, if you were on Miami Vice, you probably weren’t going any higher (save the occasional character role or cult film). Ever wonder why Don Johnson, Tony Danza, Ted Danson, and the already mentioned David Caruso (huge television stars) aren’t necessarily box office draws (let alone household names). They are known, whether deserved or not, for their ‘mediocrity’ for being BIG television stars which, hence, prevented them from succeeding on the big screen in bigger ways then say the Denzel Washington’s of the world. It’s a stigma that, while changed now, isn’t going to be getting Adam West or Mike Ferrell any tentpole films these days.

It’s not their faults (sometimes) but it just was/is. Steve Carrell will never have to worry about his career options on either screen for the rest of his career while under pressure actors, like, David Duchovny, had to (because the ‘test’ of their acting mettle was ‘can you get on the big screen; can you transition to ‘bigger’ and ‘better’ things?). But now that the reputation of television actors/movie actors is over, it is easier to see the brilliance of actors in their primes on television even if they didn’t move beyond ‘expectations’. For example: Alan Alda is a tremendous actor. He was brilliant on television but it took him roughly two decades to get some legitimate film love (he starred in many play-films and cult favorites before getting a slightly-deserved-career-appreciation Oscar nom for The Aviator).

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My car was broken into tonight and I had the misfortune of leaving some Blu-Rays and standard DVDs in the car. Besides my iPod, here is what is worth stealing apparently:

AND. . .

NOT WORTH STEALING. . .

Yup. . .the criminal scum went through my car, stole my CDs, iPod, and two Blu-Ray movies but when they came across this gem of a flick. . .they threw it on the floor. Does that say something about the taste of the robber or the quality of the movie? Hmmmm. . .there is some energon cubes for thought.

Hey everyone. Special news today! I am a big fan (and sometime contributor) to the Back To Frank Black website and Millennium movie campaign. I really want all three readers of this website to go over to the website (links below) and sign the petitions to get us a Millennium movie with master thespian Lance Henriksen.

Anyways, more reason to go to the site: I recently did a podcast episode with the awesome hosts of Back To Frank Black (Troy and James) and we were joined by Lance Henriksen himself amongst others. Follow the link to download the episode and support their site. Millennium is a property worth having on the big screen and if the contribution from the main star and the great conversations from this episode and other podcast episodes is any indication, the show has a loyal, dedicated and smart fanbase. With these contributions, you are missing one hell of a classic show and possible movie! Enjoy!

Back to Frank Black Luminary Podcast Episode featuring Will from Secure Immaturity, Lance Henriksen (The Alien films, The Terminator, et al), Troy from B2FB, James from B2FB, Dirt from B2FB and Rhonda from B2FB. And make sure to visit Back to Frank Black for all your Millennium movie news!

Since it’s the first post, I am talking about Season 1, Episode 0: Pilot

Enjoy and please comment: http://atoxfiles.blogspot.com/2009/05/pilot-mythology-deleted-scenes.html

I love audio commentaries. I find them really fun to listen to and, if done correctly, can make a movie more enjoyable and/or re-watchable. I’ve seen a movie or two, thought it was mediocre, but listened to the audio commentary, re-watched the film and either loved it or gave it more credit then I initially thought it deserved. But since the ‘art’ of the audio commentary has come such a long way, very often an audio commentary is a coming out party for future stars. In other ways it is a second movie in disguise. I completely believe that Jonah Hill, star of Superbad and Knocked Up, would not have been in either if not for his hilarious commentary track on The 40 Year Old Virgin. At once nervous, Hill started to get confidence and went toe to toe with Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd and Judd Appatow without flinching. Suddenly, his 2 minute role in the movie with 140 minute commentary track bought him movie stardom.

Anyways, a few of my friends, lately, have told me they hate audio commentaries. I found this so surprising. I love, adore and cherish them. They are companions when I sleep at night and they occupy that odd silence when cleaning the house. In some cases I’ve watched the audio commentary version of a film more then the film itself. In very rare cases, I like the audio commentary better then the film. So for those who hate or aren’t sold on the audio commentary, here are my ten favorites with five ‘must avoid’ commentaries added for good measure.

MY TOP 10 AUDIO COMMENTARIES

#1: Sideways (commentary by Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church). A great film but the two actors make the production sound like a movie script in itself. Utterly engaging and memorable, you can’t help but feel like you’ve got a ‘fly on the wall’ perspective of what it’s like to make a really funny movie. Plus Giamatti’s odd speaking voice, Thomas Haden Church’s hilariously bizarre vernacular and the two’s very detailed observations of nearly every extra and location make for a fabulous time. Thomas Haden Church was his witty and odd self on the Spider-Man 3 audio commentary but no one was smart enough or willing enough to play along on that track. Shame. Sideways’ commentary track was, I’m afraid, made for English majors like me.

#2: The 40 Year Old Virgin (commentary by Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Jane Lynch, Gerry Bednob, Shelley Malil, Jonah Hill and Judd Appatow) The crowded audio commentary track makes for some raucous, hilarious listening. All the good friends feed off each other and try to best each other in bizarre, off mainstream pop culture references. Seth Rogen’s use of the name Lorenzo Llamas needs to be heard to be appreciated. I fell off my bed laughing. I can’t do it justice.

#3 and #4: Shaun of the Dead (commentary by Simon Pegg, Kate Ashfield, Nick Frost, Lucy Davis, and Dylan Moran AND commentary by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright) The commentary by the actors has this ‘what the hell are we doing here and how did we make this movie feel’ and everyone sounds drunk but effectively sharp. A particular sequence with actors describing how all the little towns in London sound like bowel diseases makes for side-splitting fare. The Pegg-Wright commentary is also hilarious and not full of arrogance and ego like the commentary track of the two on Hot Fuzz.

#5: Evolution (commentary by David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Seann William Scott and Ivan Reitman) The weak point is Ivan Reitman who is constantly explaining a)what is going on in the plot and b)how the movie, that was destroyed by critics and a box office failure, is really genius. While I love the film, the film, to normal folk, is pretty awful. Thankfully the commentary track is full of David Duchovny’s hilarious dead-pan delivery (a certain line about a ‘pippet’ makes me rewind constantly). I think people have listened to these commentaries because the humor on display here in Evolution’s commentary track seems to have laid the foundation for the excellent comic timing in DD’s Californication. Without this commentary, DD’s comedic gifts may have been lost in commentary oblivion.

#6: Star Trek: Generations/Star Trek: First Contact (commentary by Ronald D. Moore and Brannon Braga). I include these two movies as one because they are basically part one and two of a four hour commentary series. The atmosphere and feeling carries from one DVD to the other and it feels like there was no break in between recordings tough the DVDs came out a year or two apart. The commentary is successful for many reasons but one them is showing the divergent paths of the two writers: Ron Moore became a television player with Battlestar Galactica and is now doing lectures at the United Nations. Brannon Braga chose to play it safe and stuck with Trek. . .and failed miserably. You can feel Moore’s humble and respectful nature and Braga’s frustration throughout but you can also tell they are friends. Another strong point is that the two writers are brutally honest about the two films and are willing to expose the weaker elements to the audience, especially on Generations. Some notable stories are about how Trek needs to take a break in the mainstream media (Generations) and how Prince Charles, the Queen and Princess Diana watched First Contact in London with ‘viewing pillows’ (First Contact). Sometimes funny but mostly on the list for its honesty.

#7: Dogma (commentary by Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck, Jason Mewes, Jason Lee, Scott Mosier and Vincent Pereira). The first five Kevin Smith films, like choice #6 above, feel like 5 parts of one commentary. But if I had to choose one (instead of all five), Dogma would be the choice. First off, Ben Affleck is a laugh riot. . .unstoppably funny. A completely underrated comedian. But something about the jovial nature of the whole thing and the strong friendships of all involved make the experience enjoyable. A surprising un-Hollywood like slip from Smith about how much of a bitch Linda Fiorentino is makes the whole audio team (presumably) blush.

#8: Mallrats (commentary by Kevin Smith, Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, Jason Mewes, Scott Mosier and Vincent Pereira). This would have to be the second Kevin Smith choice for listening pleasure. The star is, once again, Affleck who is laugh out loud funny but Smith has some funny MST3K-esque moments that make you chuckle pretty hardily, especially in regards to a particular stunt man in a chase scene.

#9: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (commentary by William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy). Leonard Nimoy wishes he could edit some jokes in and out of the film and says he is funnier off screen while Shatner is fucking batshit crazy. The commentary will confirm all this. The high point is Shatner trying to explain how he did one man shows on the road using whale music intertwined with poetry. Wow. But there are also some deeply touching stories of now-gone cast members and an ‘old school’ Hollywood feel to the whole thing. Very enjoyable.

#10: Space Ghost Coast to Coast Vol. I-III (various, 15 min commentary by cast, crew, creators, etc.) The bizarre, post modern show also has a bizarre, post modern commentary style layered throughout the various episodes. Some are cut and dry and explain how an episode is made but others are made by the cartoons on the show, some are made with no coherent language to speak of, and on others people will be mad at each other and speaking into the microphone softly while others are talking making understanding any one person in particular impossible. Maddening but hilarious.

MY BOTTOM 5 AUDIO COMMENTARIES

#1: Star Trek: The Motion Picture The Director’s Cut (commentary split in sections by various groups; Robert Wise’s track) When Robert Wise made this recording he was about 137 years old and spoke very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very slowly. The movie itself will put you to sleep; Wise’s commentary will put you in a coma.

#2: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (commentary split in section by various groups; George Lucas’ track). George Lucas ramble on and on about how it was ‘all one story’ and how ‘that was really neat’. His lack of any inflection makes for mind-numbing listening but also, for someone responsible for arguably the greatest saga of all time, Lucas lacks any imagination, humor or intelligence. This is most likely one of the various drones of Lucas that replaced him after his death in 1995.

#3: The X-Files: I Want to Believe (commentary by Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz) It is blatantly obvious that Frank Spotnitz, in the later years of the X-Files, had all the good ideas and a very rich, emotional range. Carter, on the other hand, became kind of a bloated carbon copy of his former self more interested in retaining his property instead of dishing out great material (and I include seasons 7, 9 and portions of the second X-Files film in this mix). Spotnitz struggles to get his ideas across without them being shot down by overbearing Carter and Carter’s Lucasesque drones about theme and scope sound more and more pathetic as the film’s commentary drags on. Just give me Mulder and Scully and I’m fine. Let me sum it up this way: it feels like Spotnitz and Carter slept together and the audio commentary track was taped the next day when both are really feeling awkward and shy. Oh and Carter defends hiring Xzibit many times but leaving Robert Patrick out. Shame on you, sir.

#4: Hot Fuzz (commentary by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright) Pegg: ‘Our film is so amazingly funny and intelligent. More to the left Edgar.’ Wright (*lifting head up from Pegg’s lap and wiping his lips with arm*) ‘I know. I am a brilliant director who is friends with loads of famous people.’ Pegg: ‘Get back down there. Anyways, I have more famous friends then you. Did I mention I am a great actor and very funny?’ Avoid this egotistical drivel.

#5: Resident Evil (commentary by Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez and Paul WS Anderson) This has all the feel of a sorority outing at the mall. I have never heard so much screeching and shouting before in my life. Rodriguez, probably drunk, belligerently yells at the screen while Jovovich squeals whenever her nipple is exposed or a head explodes. If you make it through the whole way. . .well, you don’t want to know.

So those are my picks: other great commentaries I forgot to mention and/or haven’t heard? List them in the comments section please. I know I had to have missed a few.

(*pops in Xzibit’s ‘Dying to Live’ for inspiration and momentarily lapse into looney land)

Say what you will about The X-Files: I Want to Believe: I liked it. I won’t go all crazy about it here (because you can read lots and lots about it here.) I was a bit disappointed that they didn’t have Robert Patrick as Special Agent John Doggett to spice things up a bit. When all else failed his skepticism and humor could make any dull X-Files experience shine. Instead, we got heavily eye-shadowed Amanda Peet (hot, but kind of pointless) as Dakota Whitney and master thespian Xzibit, cast purely because he has an X in his name, as the utterly useless Mosley Drummey.

Mosley Drummey is an interesting character. I’ve watched TXF:IWTB (just easier that way) probably five times. And while Mulder, Scully, Father Joe and even the hapless Dakota Whitney barely manage to breath life into their characters because of limited screentime, Xzibit cemented himself in useless science-fiction history quite quickly and efficiently in his first scene. I can’t really describe it so here is my interpretation from my recent viewing of his first scene:

Whitney: Let him through. Let him through.

Drummey: Hold the line, gentlemen. Hold the line.

Whitney (looks at Drummey with earnest): What do you think?

Drummey (squints his eyes): Hold the line, gentlemen. Hold the line!

Whitney (turns to Father Joe): What do you see. . .

Father Joe (eyes closed): It’s here! It’s here!

Drummey (squints eyes): Hold the line, gentlemen. Hold the line!

And. . .scene. That was breathtaking. But before Drummey finds a decapitated head in an organ bag later in the movie he still had a major scene with David Duchovny’s Mulder.

Father Joe: Do you believe in these sorts of things?

Mulder: Let’s just say I want to believe.

Drummey: He’s pullin’ it out of his ass.

Mulder: You don’t believe Agent Drummey?

Whitney (bats eyelashes): I believe.

Mulder: Drummey? Can you believe? I mean, its in the title of the movie and everything.

Drummey: He’s pullin’ it out of his ass.

Father Joe: I believe. . .that, uh. . .my eyes are bleeding. Ugh.

Drummey: Right. He’s pullin’ it out of his ass.

Mulder (pointing): What’s that FBI agent doing over there?

Drummey (squints eyes): Hold the line, gentlemen. Hold the line!

While Dakota Whitney provided beauty, a little bit of wit, shameless flirting and overt emotions toward Mulder and a need to do something right (and she BELIEVES), she gets skewered by a bunch of re-bar while Drummey lives on to put Scully down over the phone. Drummey didn’t die. But he’s dying. . .to live. (How did that song slip through Chris Carter’s very controlling radar?) Naw, he ain’t useless. Not one bit.

Please See Other Examples of Uselessness:

Well, I decided to revisit, for the first time in six years, the Jump the Shark website to see if I agreed with what the world wide web said about when certain shows have ‘jumped the shark’. But first I decided to actually WITNESS the moment when the phrase was born:

After watching it I could tell, having never seen a complete episode of the so-called legendary show, that this moment truly was a turning point. How could you ever look at those characters the same after doing something so. . .stupid? But we all know this because that was the defining moment that created a phrase that has reverberated and haunted may shows forever. Producers even know now that when they prepare a show they have to try to avoid ‘jumping the shark’!

But anyways, I decided to look towards my all-time favorite show and see what the top reasons were for it ‘Juping the Shark’ and to see if I agreed with that decision: The X-Files.

ANALYSIS: To no surprise, the number one reason the show jumped the shark was because of David Duchovny leaving. I don’t blame this show for that. . .I blame Duchovny. I think the producers did an amazing job trying to bring the show back to it’s peak and original tone with some new cast members/recurring characters.Plus the absence of Mulder gave Gillian Anderson some powerful stuff to work with. She was simply stunning as the alone and hurt Scully. The loss of Mulder only helped the show, not hurt it. Season 8 is, to me, the second best season of the show. . .no question. And Mulder is only in half of them. DISAGREE

Number two was that the show never jumped. . .which is fine with me! And I agree! AGREE

Number three was that the Lone Gunmen (*spoiler*) were killed. Once again I have to disagree. Though the episode was named, unhelpfully, ‘Jump the Shark’, and did have the Lone Gunmen dying (without a cheesy sci-fi rebirth. . .thankfully) the episode was fitting to the characters and to the mythos of the X-Files. The best part about the X-Files is that you REALLY cared about the characters because when they died, in most cases, they REALLY died. When X took a bullet in ‘The Erlenmeyer Flask’ you did get the pleasure of seeing him in dream sequences and flashbacks but the fool was DEAD! And he never returned in the same way, shape, or form again. And he didn’t even appear that often in said fantastical situations. You actually missed him! And the same was true of the Lone Gunmen. They died saving a city’s population from biological terrorism and their farewell is so haunting and sad that it always, without fail, brings a tear to my eye. In any case, they died VERY LATE on. . so if that is the defining moment that the X-Files jumped the shark then the X-Files made it 197 episodes before jumping (out of 202 and two movies). But overall I’d have to disagree. DISAGREE

The fourth reason was the movie (I’m assuming the first one since NO ONE SAW the second one!). I have to admit that, for a fan, the movie was a little disappointing BUT exciting all at the same time! The main problem is that the show buried itself in it’s own mythology and took out the creepy atmosphere that made the show so popular. Regardless, actually seeing some of the big ideas and machinations the show had going in the background in full CGI glory is a treat, especially since TV, at that time, could never truly show how wide the conspiracy of the Syndicate and the aliens was and how gargantuan it’s set pieces were. But because so much bad clashes with so much good, I have to vote UNDECIDED.

The fifth reason was the move from Vancouver to LA after season 5 and the film. This has been one of the few complaints I have had about the show. The X-Files was so visually stunning and unique when they filmed in Vancouver that it cemented itself in history. But the LA atmosphere, despite the best attempts, really took some major weight off the show. The first two episodes of season 6, “The Beginning” and “Drive” really used the crap out of the desert and while it was refreshing for those two episodes I think I realized, as did many, that the desert is boring and wide open. I always loved not knowing what was behind Mulder and Scully in some Canadian forest posing as Maine or Idaho. AGREE

I would typically see this as being on the fence since there are two agrees, two disagrees, and an undecided but since one of the Agree votes was that the show didn’t jump the shark my overall analysis is that the X-Files NEVER JUMPED THE SHARK!

FUNNY REASON: 18 people voted that The X-Files jumped the shark when ‘Scully Lost Weight’. I personally like my Mulder in all shapes and sizes. . .oops. . .I mean my Duchovny. . .shit. . .um. . .so next week. . .

NEXT WEEK: Veronica Mars

Possibly Immense Spoilers!

It is timing of the worst degree. It is almost as bad as releasing Star Trek: Nemesis a week before the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. It is almost as bad as releasing UHF the same weekend as Batman. But, The X-Files: I Want to Believe has made a blunder of things in terms of its marketing and its release dates. Compared to The X-Files: I Want to Believe, Serenity’s meager campaign of advertising looked like a juggernaut of superior marketing.

But that is not why I am here. This is the X-Files! A show that died long ago in the eyes of the mainstream! And after such a long time in the womb a second film has come out and. . .no one is excited! Not a soul! Let’s backtrack a bit and look at the situation. It’s Thursday morning and I’m reading the surprisingly wretched reviews of the movie. But the sad thing. . .this is the only time, in the years I’ve waited and the months since the ‘official’ announcement, that I have any BASIC idea of what the plot is about. I went to Wondercon JUST to see the filmmakers and stars. . .I got nothing. I watched interview after interview and got NOTHING! I’m seeing the movie at midnight and the first mainstream information released is a mere 15 hours away from the damn thing premiering. There is something wrong here!

Anyways, I trudge 45 minutes away to see the film at midnight. My pregnant girlfriend can’t make it so I am going alone. And when I get to the theater it is PACKED! Loads of people everywhere. But I then learned that there is a 12:01 showing of Step Brothers. The X-Files crowd was minute, tiny, pathetic. I sat alone in a corner and looked at maybe thirty hardcore fans watch a movie made for them and ONLY THEM!

Because I feel there is a conspiracy here! A conspiracy by Chris Carter not to continue the show in an epic way but to get some OCD problems out of his head from 2002 and just create an epilogue to the cliffhanger final episode “The Truth”. In fact, that is how the film works: an epilogue to an epic series. Hence the immense secrecy. The studio was expecting a new era of X-Files mania. Instead, Carter stole their money and made a heart felt love letter to the fans and signed off. . .FOREVER! For those not into the X-Files lore. . .try imagining if JMS released “Sleeping in Light” as a feature film to END THE SERIES! Yeah! It’s like that!

But that doesn’t mean the film is bad. It is far from. I was just expecting a new era to begin. I wanted to be the guy at the water cooler at work telling people what the show is about! I want to be the guide to the future of the X-Files. But instead, as non-fans scratch their heads and try to figure out what the movie is all about, all I can do is smile and hold on to the memories I once had of a once formidable series.

And I love ALL of the X-Files. Even Seasons 8 and 9. And this movie doesn’t ignore those seasons. As I said, it works as an epilogue. We get to see the characters of Mulder and Scully put to rest. They don’t have to die to be done forever. At the end of “The Truth” when Mulder and Scully were on the run from the FBI and entering a new phase of their lives, there was still something to tell, at least from a standpoint of a two hour TV film, a new final season, or something. . .SOMETHING! And Chris Carter has managed to do that here. . .six years later. Some fans can get frustrated with this since The X-Files: I Want to Believe is so somber, quiet, and final.

When the X-Files was entering its sixth and seventh seasons, after a controversial albeit successful first film, the show started to get stagnant. Mulder and Scully, after discovering so much on such a grand scale, were back debunking little suburban myths, etc. They had grown beyond it but Carter wouldn’t let them. This led to fans leaving and even Duchovny parting ways. That’s when Carter wised up and changed the format of the show: Season 8 is one of the X-Files most successful. The problem: no one watched it. And no one DEFINETLY watched Season 9. So, how could anyone expect to watch a movie based on a show that had it’s last days (in terms of critical and mainstream success) in 1999!

But once again Carter switches the structure in the new movie. The characters have grown through the six year absence and moved on. They aren’t stagnant like the characters were for a few years after the first movie. But the problem still lies in the fact that it is too little too late for non-fans. But let’s ignore that for now: it is understood that this film is for hardcore fans ONLY!

So what is the movie about: Scully is a doctor now-detached from the FBI and Mulder is a house-hidden recluse still wanted by the FBI (though, after six years, he is a low priority since it appears Mulder and Scully live together on some level). A woman goes missing and a psychic pedophile priest named Father Joe seems to find certain body parts around the snowy West Virginia land. Scully, with Mulder in tow, are called in to investigate Father Joe’s powers and/or involvement. Along the way they find a Russian organ ring and, in the end, a horrific biological plan by a newly heralded ‘Frankenstein’. It’s sad to sum up the mystery elements in such a short paragraph but Carter and Frank Spotnitz have slacked on the mystery in order to close out Mulder and Scully as characters.

In the film, Scully barely participates because she is dedicated to being a doctor. In a way she finally says ‘no more’. This time, even though Mulder dumps her to finish off the case, Mulder learns the X-Files part of his life is over and basically joins her. But almost at the expense of his life: Scully has to save him in the end.

But we don’t get a grand epic farewell. We get, just like in “The Truth”, a scene of talking and a scene of Scully’s faith. . .oh, and during the credits, Mulder and Scully on a boat in the middle of the ocean? Huh? But, yeah, in all seriousness, the film ends with a tiny minuscule mystery but an epic albeit psychologically epic goodbye to two iconic characters.

Fitting an epilogue, a lot of cool characters and in jokes are NOT present. Walter Skinner makes an excellent cameo but we don’t get to figure out what has happened to him over the last six years and he functions merely as a fan’s ‘that’s awesome’ moment. The visions of X, Krycek, and The Lone Gunmen, from “The Truth”, are missing here. No Scully’s mother, brother, or William though the now-adopted child does get a mention and still tortures Scully to this day.

The final scene is Scully, firm in her faith and seemingly happy with a much cooled down but still reclusive Mulder, continues her experiments on her rapidly dying patient, a child who can only be saved by highly experimental treatments. When she looks up, seemingly at the screen, and considers for one last time whether she should continue with a purely theoretical BUT scientific experiment (much like, um. . .the X-Files) you can see the loss of William, the love of Mulder, the loss of her father and sister, and the torture she went through as a guinea pig of the government. But, like her character and unlike the future of the franchise, she prevails and goes forth into the cinematic blackness that is cancellation!

In the end, I have to give the film **** out of ****. The script was written for fans and though a cookie-cutter mystery is tacked on to a glorified season finale to season 9, the film has a lot of great things to say about faith, trust, and love. The film, despite the lack-luster, or rather underwhelming, mystery, is shot masterfully. The film always feels dark and somber. And on that note, I have to say that for a horror-thriller, the film is the most quiet film I’ve ever experienced! It is all very thought provoking but non-fans will be bored out of their skulls!

I will see this again at some point and I can’t wait to add it to my now-incomplete DVD collection. As an ending, whether intentional or not, this film is most excellent. But if Carter wants to continue the franchise I’d ask him, as the biggest X-Files fan out there, to just stop! Let it go! It has ended just the way I want!

So the impossible task of making a complete ranking list of all the ‘Monster of the Week’ episodes continues. I realize I won’t have it all done by the time the movie comes out (since I am seeing it this Thursday at midnight) but I decided I will put the movie in with the list since it is a so-called ‘Monster of the. . .well. . .Six Years’ type of story. Anyways, I have a few more to add to the list so. . .

I Drew: Bad Blood (Season 5, Episode 12, Episode 109 Overall)

Gillian Anderson’s favorite episode and a worthy praise indeed. Bad Blood is pure comedy X-Files with a hint of scariness and a touch of the weird! Basically, Mulder stabs the living shit out of a teenage vampire. . .or was he just a teenager? Scully tells her side of the story and then Mulder tells his and naturally the stories are completely different, especially in the behavior of the two characters. Truly for the fans based on many injokes and the comedic understanding of the two agent’s relationship and their personality quirks. Oh, and it has vampires and Luke Wilson! Yeah!

I Drew: 2Shy (Season 3, Episode 6, Episode 55 Overall)

I have to admit that I didn’t draw this one and just felt like watching it. 2Shy was one of my favorite episodes, but in fairness, I wanted to watch it and see if the memory of the episode lived up to the actual product. And it does. 2Shy is about a internet stalker who preys on insecure women. And in the X-Files universe insecure means FAT! And this guy happens to be a fat-ingesting vampire! Very cool stuff. Timothy Carhart plays said monster and you wonder, at least for awhile, if he is TRULY evil or if, like, say, Galactus, he just needs this stuff to survive and has no other means of gathering his food. A fantastic score from Mark Snow in this one and Scully gets to do kung-fu so. . .take that for what it’s worth!

I Drew: Salvage (Season 8, Episode 9, Episode 170 Overall)

I like John Doggett and I LOVE Season 8. I think Season 8 is the second best season of the show. Salvage, one of the last ‘Monster of the Week’ episodes during the 8th season (since the whole season is basically a myth-arc episode) is an exceptional piece of sci-fi horror. A man dies but seems to reappear and reform, slowly, as pure metal. A lot of science ‘mumbo jumbo’ as Doggett would call it but some cool visuals, some greusome deaths, and a chance for Doggett to slowly become a believer in the bizarre. Like many episodes of the 8th and 9th season not involving Mulder, Scully doesn’t have much to do in this one though and phones it in.

I Drew: The Goldberg Variation (Season 7, Episode 6, Episode 145 Overall)
Upon second viewing, season 7 isn’t as bad as it’s reputation suggests. The thought of randomnly drawing so many season 7 episodes had me shaking. . .but so far it’s all good. The Goldberg Variation is yet another X-Files attempt at looking at how the universe works in relation to luck and ’cause and effect’. The episode involves a man who is literally the ‘luckiest man on earth’ and can basically survive any fall, avoid any gun shot, or win any lottery. It’s too bad for the mob, who just try to kill this guy all the time and have the craziness of the universe wrap them up and spit them out. Very fun episode with a decent mystery element but great Mulder/Scully friendship scenes. Also, one of the top 5 musical scores from Mark Snow!

I Drew: El Mundo Gira (Season 4, Episode 11, Episode 84 Overall)
I have to say that this is one of the best episodes of the show: it has classic X-Files images, hints at supernatural and alien events, great humor (seeing Mulder scream ‘Maria!’ is an instant playback moment) and some gruesome deaths. The story is about the El Chupacabra, a goatsucking folktale that many immigrants share with each other. In this case, after a bout of yellow rain, an unfortunate man becomes El Chupacabra and kills everything he touches, whether he wants to or not. A classic X-Files monster a la Flukeman, this episode delivers some excellent entertainment!

I Drew: Milagro (Season 6, Episode 18, Episode 135 Overall)

Frank Spotnitz’s favorite episode. Unlike Bad Blood, which feels good all over, this is more of Spotnitz’s passion project and it shows. It doesn’t lend itself well to outsiders since you have to have a deep understanding of how Mulder and Scully work to really appreciate it (which is why I question it’s addition on the X-Files: Revelations DVD set which just came out. That set is supposed to be a primer for non-fans.). But it is a little creepy and beautifully filmed. The story involves a writer who seems to will his creations into life: this time, a killer is created who can rip the hearts out of people. For the writer it is the perfect crime. But for real people, and our trusty FBI agents, it is a new and difficult case in the paranormal. And we get to see one major Mulder/Scully shipping bomb drop at the near-end. Wooooo!

So far, here are the rankings:

• 1 El Mundo Gira
• 2 Beyond the Sea
• 3 2Shy
• 4 Salvage
• 5 Hollywood A.D.
• 6. Milagro
• 7. The Goldberg Variation
• 8. Brand X
• 9. Kill Switch
• 10. Teso dos Bichos

More Later Folks! I WANT TO BELIEVE!!!!!!

Oh, and check out http://xfphotos.fredfarm.com/ which has some of the best X-Files screen-caps there are and provided the pictures here!