Secure Immaturity

AN OFFICIAL SELECTION FOR SECURE IMMATURITY’S GREATEST FILMS OF MANKIND LIST

We see a close-up of Al Pacino’s face. The film is moving in slow motion and the only sound is an exaggerated white noise. The scene then cuts to an airplane flying in the sky then a group of cheerleaders, bathed in complete darkness. Then we see a crowd of people turn into old folks from the 1950s and then an empty stadium with only one occupant. Back to Pacino who, still in slow motion, screams. . .but a lion’s growl comes out of his mouth as opposed to anything human. Cut again to lightning bolts and the image of the Miami cityscape. Then we cut to Jamie Foxx. . .looking confused. . .the camera shaking as if in an earthquake. Then we see a football in motion. . .Native American music is playing. . .and a wide receiver catches it. As he jumps up to celebrate he splits into four different people. Then we see a replay of all that happened split screened in four different boxes. Cameron Diaz smiles.

This is most likely a conglomeration of many scenes from Any Given Sunday but I am most definitely describing only a five minute segment of the brilliant, heavily misunderstood, masterpiece that is Any Given Sunday. The film’s entire 2 hour 37 minute run functions like the five minutes I described: it is a mixture of visual rape and avant garde genius. And it also was the end of an era for director Oliver Stone who is also on the fence between odd, crackpot and twisted, way too intelligent artist. Any Given Sunday represents the last film in his ‘Quaalude Quadrilogy’, as I dub it, which started with the kinetic psycho-satire that is Natural Born Killers, continued with the historically strange Nixon, and the diabolically evil U-Turn.

Continue Reading »

Everyone is putting out a list and really, another one won’t make a difference. I’m not claiming I am an all-encompassing movie watcher or anything but this site is dedicated, mainly, to movies so I am putting together a random list of awards of movies that I felt (as in me, myself and I. . .so stop freaking out) found compelling and ‘award’ worthy. So enjoy this most likely controversial and inevitably incomplete list (I know I forgot something):

*–a note: in the song section there are some YouTube videos that are NSFW so please view with caution.

BEST FILM OF THE DECADE: Gladiator (2000, directed by Ridley Scott)

This one, for me, is a no brainer. Ridley Scott brought us the most epic sword and sandal film since. . .well. . .Ben Hur or Spartacus I guess. It had been awhile and Scott, in one film, raised that genre up and immediately brought it down since there couldn’t be any other films in its proximity of greatness. Troy tried and failed (and that was the most ambitious attempt) and others couldn’t follow suit. The genre, as of 2010, is dead. . .Gladiator started and end it. Click the lick above for more info on my views of the film.

Runner-Up: Letters from Iwo Jima (2006, directed by Clint Eastwood)

Honorable Mention: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001, directed by Peter Jackson), The Namesake (2006, directed by Mira Nair), Snatch. (2000, directed by Guy Ritchie) and Avatar (2009, directed by James Cameron).

*******************************************************************************************************************

WORST FILM OF THE DECADE (a note-it’s too easy to pick a shit movie like a Uwe Boll film or something so when I say ‘worst’ here, it probably also means most disappointing or, in many cases, had a lot of potential and squandered it. . .it can be pure shit also): Rambo (2008, directed by Sylvester Stallone)

Once again, check out the link above for a fully detailed review but nothing smack me in the face with nihilism like this farce of a film. . .which was produced after one of the most uplifting films of the decade (Rocky Balboa) directed, written, produced and starring the same dude. I can’t tell you how depressing this film made me and how so easily it made me see the hack Stallone became between only two films.

Runner-Up: The Informers (2008, directed by Gregor Jordan)

Honorable Mention: He’s Just Not That Into You (2009, directed by Ken Kwapis), Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (2007, directed by The Brothers Strause), Gangs of New York (2002, directed by Martin Scorsese) and Fanboys (2008, directed by Kyle Newman).

Continue Reading »

AN OFFICIAL SELECTION FOR SECURE IMMATURITY’S GREATEST FILMS OF MANKIND LIST

I will preface this by saying I haven’t eaten anything in 12 hours, I threw up four times last night between 3am and 10am and had other specific problems I am literally too embarrassed to discuss on a public forum. If I were 83 years old in a nursing home I wouldn’t be embarrassed but I’m a single 27 year old in a bachelor pad so let’s just leave it at that. Having said all this, I think Happy Gilmore may be the greatest film bestowed upon mankind. All films are different: my all-time favorite is Heat, for sure. But sometimes a movie that is not only timeless and consistently funny, not to mention successfully manipulative, deserves mention in the annals of all-time greatest films. You dare me to prove it to you?. . .well let me get my vomit bag and I’ll do my best to try.

First, let’s look at Happy Gilmore as the apocryphal film that it is: has a movie ever become more important during the death of Tiger Wood’s image then Happy Gilmore. Let’s take the central villain, Shooter McGavin: he always says the right thing to the media and has a flawless image in the media. The other players think he’s a douche but, no one at home knows that. He is the ultimate success (minus the majors) of the league and, unfortunately, has a fall when everyone finds out he’s a dick in golf knickers. Then there is our hero: Happy himself. Violent but gifted. . .and attractive to the youth the tour needs (just like in the 90s when Tiger put a new, less old face on the golfing world. Add his endorsements, a hot blonde girlfriend (played by the beautiful Julie Bowen in the movie) and his many charitable foundations (and intentions) and you get a piece of Tiger. Add the two, Happy and Shooter, and you get Tiger. . .we just didn’t know it yet. Watch it again. . .I dare you. . .tell me I’m wrong (this in not an actual invitation to post a comment and tell me I’m wrong).

Continue Reading »

AN OFFICIAL SELECTION FOR SECURE IMMATURITY’S GREATEST FILMS OF MANKIND LIST

I won’t lie: sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you utter the phrase ‘genius’ or ‘the greatest film ever’ when you’ve witnessed something of, well, true genius or saw ‘the greatest film ever’. But do these phrases really ever live up to those unexpected, emotionally driven utterances? In most, if not all, cases, no. When I was a freshman in high school my top two films of all time were Face/Off and The Fifth Element. . .in that order. At some point in my life I literally, with a straight face, said Face/Off was the greatest film of all time. No, really, I did.

So, when I was a junior in high school, I rented Gladiator, watched it, got off my couch and proudly proclaimed, ‘genius’. I may have even thrown about the words ‘greatest film of all time’ somewhere in there as well. No matter my mental state or level of insanity I (wisely) said, after viewing the film, ‘that movies blows Face/Off out of the water’! When your artistic heights are so low I’m sure Elmo in Grouchland blows Face/Off out of the water. But at that time, to see something better then Face/Off was quite the ballyhoo.

Gladiator followed me throughout the years. Since it was such a task to watch (depressing, violent and long) I only watched it a handful of times for the next nine years which, in ways, preserved the feel of the production and prevented over saturation. Gladiator, sometimes years in between viewings, was still ‘genius’ and one of the ‘greatest films of all time’.

But now, you see, I am a jaded, joyless soul and things that filled me with wonder have failed to do that much these days. It’s no wonder the ‘genius’ films of yesteryear were so wonderfully ridiculous and pure escapist fare for me: because there was still a young man yearning to live the unbelievable and aspire to the face-taking-offing future! The fifth element was love, man! But if anything hasn’t changed in the nearly ten years since Gladiator graced our cultural zeitgeist, it’s that Gladiator is a ‘genius’ piece of film history and worthy of the sentence ‘greatest film of all time’ (or at least on a severely biased, ridiculous Greatest Film of Mankind List).

Continue Reading »

AN OFFICIAL SELECTION FOR SECURE IMMATURITY’S GREATEST FILMS OF MANKIND LIST

The King Lear effect: one of my mentor’s in college taught it to me. I’m sure it wasn’t an original theory but it was one that makes sense and should be stolen. When studying King Lear, my prof told me that its the type of play to read every ten years because, every decade, you get (presumably) older and wiser and the play gets deeper and deeper in meaning. I’ve always taken this theory to heart and have used it sparingly but when necessary.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (and for those of you scared I am comparing Arnie with Shakespeare, relax) is one of those moments when I can say the King Lear effect is in. . .uh. . .well. . .effect I guess. But it is! T2 is a film that, in certain stages of your life, means something different but one thing is certain throughout the years: T2 is both film savvy and immensely intelligent. But you have to be the right age and in the right state of mind to realize that.

In 1992, when T2 was in wide release on video, it was the hottest thing for a 10 year old to watch. We never knew WHY, exactly, we wanted to watch it but we did. The movie was a phenomenal success in theaters (grossing roughly $441 million MORE then the hit original, The Terminator) and, as if torture, the film had trading cards, action figures, etc and they were all advertised in comics and on kid’s TV. But it was rated R and though my house was light on censorship, the movie was, understandably, off limits. So I did what I did when I watched other hot rated R films (like Aliens and Predator 2). . .watch them as inconveniently and as illegally as possible!

When I wanted to watch Predator 2, I watched from the hallway as I pretended to play with toys (I’m sure my dad knew but. . .whatever, he’s a cool dude, what can I say). When I watched Aliens, I watched at a friend’s house when both sets of parents weren’t around. The same strategy was taken there. One day the parents weren’t home and a friend brought over the coveted VHS version of T2. I watched it with glee. There were some agonizingly boring parts but, overall, the visual effects and action won my little ten year old heart over.

Continue Reading »

AN OFFICIAL SELECTION FOR SECURE IMMATURITY’S GREATEST FILMS OF MANKIND LIST

I never saw The Chronicles of Riddick in the theater. I found myself vaguely interested in the film when a girlfriend at the time said it was one of those ‘good bad’ kind of films. We rented the director’s cut to watch as a means of fun: we would sit and make fun of the silly Vin Diesel film. As the first ten minutes rolled by, we both sat and mocked the film. Even the slightest thing out of place was ripped apart with youthful glee! But as minute twenty rolled around, my jokes stopped a bit. By minute thirty I was asking my girlfriend to be quiet. And by movie’s end. . .I was in love.

The Chronicles of Riddick is, and I am not ashamed to say this, one of my all-time favorite films. I will go out there and say it is one of the greatest films of all time despite the many detractors, cynics and doubters! Well. . .you are all fools. Fools I say! How could anyone bash this movie?! Besides it’s truly creative universe and iconic lead character the film also represents something long since dead in Hollywood: the imaginative spectacle; a thinking man’s (or woman’s) adventure film.

The Chronicles of Riddick asks A LOT of its audience: I won’t deny that. It throws around a lot of ideas that are hard to stomach or simply too difficult to understand. If I took a first date to see this movie, I’m sure she’d be a little disappointed. Who has time to think in a movie these days? And who has time to stretch that suspension of disbelief we are so willing to drop in the first place. The Chronicles of Riddick challenges the suspension of disbelief to a duel and almost wins. . .which only hurts itself! What a self destructive movie that Chronicles of Riddick!

Continue Reading »